I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
