i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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