He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
