I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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