I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Randomize
