question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
