I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
