If i come over, it means nothing
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
