Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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