his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
