At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
