i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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