Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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