Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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