Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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