Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Dignity is for republicans.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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