Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
