so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
