Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
