Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
your room smells of hookers.
And success
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
