You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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