I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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