I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
