i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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