paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
