you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
