yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
