nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
