We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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