Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
