I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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