There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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