She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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