i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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