Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
