She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
