i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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