It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Houston, we have a blender
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
