i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
