somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
