i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
