idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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