I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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