she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
