How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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