I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
