Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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