He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
