Pants 0. Shit 1.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
