how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
