You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
