An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
