She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
