i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
