i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
